Supporting Trans and Non-Binary Students

In 2012, I wrote an article for Teaching Tolerance (now called Learning for Justice) entitled When Boys Love Barbie. It told of a young boy in my preschool class who loved to wear a shimmery wedding gown. He also wanted a Barbie doll for Christmas. This caused some conflict within his family because he was not conforming to societal expectations of what was appropriate behavior for little boys. 

I like to think that in the intervening years there has been a shift in understanding and acceptance of gender non-conforming students. I'm not sure that this is generally true, but there are certainly more resources (websites, children's books, workbooks, etc.) available to address the topic of gender expression. 

One is a reflective workbook by D. M. Maynard for teachers and support staff designed to help them "navigate supporting the gender journeys of their transgender, non-binary, and/or gender questioning students." It's an area many of us are unfamiliar and/or uncomfortable with for myriad reasons - the unknowns, the sensitivities, the fear of saying or doing something that is unintentionally hurtful or offensive. 

This workbook educates through games, exercises, and vignettes. It leaves us no room to close the door and pretend that issues surrounding gender do not exist because this workbook takes away the power of our excuses. It leads educators gently through the labyrinth of unknowns. These issues exist. Shouldn't we all be equipped to provide the support, guidance, and respect our students deserve. It may not be easy for us, but it's not easy for them either.

Of course, near and dear to my heart are children's books and D. M. Maynard even includes several titles in the Resources section, such as It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity by Theresa Thorn and Be Who You Are by Jennifer Carr. 

I also have some other children's books that can help open up a discussion with students about their own attitudes and viewpoints on issues of gender expression. 

They include Julián is a Mermaid and Julián at the Wedding by Jessica Love. They are exceptional in showcasing unconditional acceptance and support in the face of nontraditional expressions of gender. 

Sparkle Boy by Lesléa Newman and Annie's Plaid Shirt by Stacey B. Davids are both great for breaking gender stereotypes around clothing and what it means to be a "boy" or "girl". They allow us to see that gender identity is what you feel and not what you present.

Finally, check out Bunnybear by Andrea J. Loney. Bunnybear was born a bear but feels more like a bunny inside. He is misunderstood by the bears and the bunnies. He must try to find a way to fit in, while also staying true to who he is on the inside. 

As a student, Tiana, in my children's literature course wrote last semester about the book, "It is a great introduction to discussions on gender and identity because it allows for the initial conversation about feeling different than others without having to explain or go into depth about specific gender identities and terms. It brings up interesting questions like 'How do I stay true to myself' and 'How do I make friends with people who aren't like me' for students to think about and discuss before diving deeper."

Kudos to D. M. Maynard on her three-book series for partners, parents, and teachers of transgender and non-binary individuals. You can learn more about her books, workshops, retreats, and speaking engagements by contacting her at dmmaynardworkbook@gmail.com.  

Taking the Plunge with Mary Testa

Testing the Broadway Books First Class virtual waters with Mary Testa

Mary Testa inspired me to set aside my reservations about altering the structure of the guest artist visits. I was initially reluctant to accommodate for the upheaval caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. I figured we'd pause things and pick back up again when this mess was behind us. However, it was already a year since Tony Award winning director Kenny Leon visited in January 2020. I'd either have to compromise the in-person visits for something virtual, as the rest of the world has had to do, or place the program on an extended hiatus.

As I was grappling with this decision, I watched Mary Testa and Jonathan Freeman conduct a live signing on Instagram to raise money for Broadway Cares. They were charming. They also had some nice words to say about Broadway Books First Class. It was heartening to see that virtual events could emulate some of the warmth and connection of a face-to-face interaction. So, I decided to "take the plunge" (that phrase is a nod to Mary Testa's tour de force performance in Queen of the Mist). 

Mary (a three-time Tony Award nominee) immediately accepted my invitation. We selected the children's book Firenze's Light by Jessica Collaco for her reading. 

Firenze's Light encourages the reader to SHINE ON! It is a message we both embraced and were eager to share with my students. One advantage of the Zoom platform is that I was able to record the reading to share with a larger audience. Now, others can enjoy the story told so expertly by Mary with her funny voices (my favorite is Kirie, the beetle), her humor, and her empathy. 

I worked with the students for a month to prepare for Mary's visit. We studied all 12 of her Broadway shows, from her debut in Barnum to the recent, celebrated revival of Oklahoma! The discussions about the shows led to inquires into mythology and voodoo (Xanadu and Marie Christine), characters who are mean vs misunderstood (Chicago, Xanadu, and Wicked), history, humor, and the impact of costumes, wigs, and make-up. In fact, as very visual children they were captivated by Mary's hair across the spectrum of her performances. 

As we went along, I wrote down their questions. In the final days before her visit we selected three main ones. You can listen to Mary's answers below (videos have ASL interpretation and captions are enabled).

Question #1 - Why did you want to be on Broadway? 

Question #2 - What was your favorite show and why?

Question #3 - What do you do now that Broadway is closed?

Things went so well that I've already scheduled other guest artists for February and March. I know I am taking a leap of faith by planning ahead because our school schedule has changed every single month this year. But, I am determined to make it work somehow. And with my brilliant students, their supportive parents, and talented guest artists we will undoubtedly succeed. 

Après Sa Mort

There was a black rotary phone sitting on the corner table in "the big room" just outside my bedroom. I heard it ringing as sat on my bed listening to music.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Beverly home?"

I put the phone down and shouted, "Ma! Phone!"

Mom came and I handed her the receiver before going back into my bedroom. I turned the music down and could hear a seriousness in her voice as she spoke, asking questions and seemingly grappling with whatever was being said on the other end of the phone. 

I grew concerned, so I stepped back into the big room and quietly watched her. She looked at me and through me as her eyes filled with tears. After a moment, she hung up the phone. Then, she wailed. An uncontrollable tidal wave of emotion rolled up from her center and exploded into the air. 

"I don't have a mother!" 

This is what I recall her crying, although I am not one hundred percent sure my memory can be trusted. I just know that, in that moment, she was struck a sudden and unexpected blow from this phone call telling her that her mom had passed. The impact, which was deep and lasting, brought an almost unbearable hurt. How does one go on after such a loss? 

I hugged mom as she crumpled into the small chair beside the phone. I was with her when she got the devastating news, but the memories of their history and love was something I couldn't understand. It was theirs alone. I couldn't really share it. All I could do was try to comfort MY mom as she forged ahead with the funeral plans. An only child shouldering the burden without siblings for support. 

In a dizzying flurry of emotions and activity, I thought, "This is it". The end. Everything from here on out, for mom, will be after her mother's death. My grandma would never see my mom get older, old. She'd never see us grow up. She'd never know what we became. The moment she passed things froze, in a way. 

And now that is how I see my own life in relation to the unexpected news of my mom's passing. I gave it a fancy French translation - après sa mort - because learning French is one of the things I've thrown myself into after her death. I've also started taking guitar lessons. I spend a great deal of time with both endeavors lately. These are things mom doesn't know. Or at least, they are things I can't pick up the phone to talk to her about. 

Life is still a lot less joyful and I struggle to make peace with the realization of who I am now. Lonelier. Sadder. Disconnected. Broken. It's all after her death. It sucks, but I've come to learn that there's no easy way through this. We must feel all the feels because pretending everything is alright just delays the healing. And I know I'm healing. I'm just not healed.  

A Broadway Books First Class Visit from Siena Rafter

Siena Rafter's sweet face hidden amongst our kindergarteners

American Sign Language!

I just love it. The hand movements that convey meaning through space, the facial expressions that hold important grammatical information, the sentence structure - different from English - that sits comfortably now within my body, the way it allows one to say so much with just one sign, and the mesmerizing sense of awe I feel when I see someone who's mastered it.

This love and respect for a language I continue to gain competence with is one reason I was so thrilled to welcome Siena Rafter into my classroom. Siena shares my passion for ASL. She is not a native signer, but has taken to ASL with a fierce dedication to live within it. She is a strong advocate for equal access in communication and supports the Deaf community. Given all of this, I was excited to welcome her into my classroom to serve as a role model for my students. 

Siena's ties to Broadway and the performing arts are closely connected with ASL. She was Assistant Director to Tony Award Winner Kenny Leon for the Broadway revival of Children of a Lesser God in 2018. She was also part of the ASL team for Glenda Jackson's 2019 Broadway revival of King Lear. 

I cheered her stage performance in a dazzling production of Twelfth Night at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park in 2018, which incorporated ASL into the staging. And I performed alongside her in 2016 on the historic High Line in a show inspired by my Broadway Books First Class program entitled How the I Becomes the We. In fact, that is where we met and I knew she was someone special from our first hello. I'll never forget my introduction to this confident young woman with a megawatt smile, who was eating a sweet pepper like most of us eat an apple. 

Siena's visit with my kindergarten students took place on an October morning in 2019. During the visit she shared her love of language and literacy. And she spoke about the joy she's found in bridging ASL with the performing arts. Students were full of questions. Siena's answers led the children to see the possibilities that lie in belief and that a dream only remains a dream if you don't work towards realizing it. Dreams can become truth through planning and perseverance. 

I shared a photograph of Siena as a young child, the same age as my students. The photo demystifies the guest artist. It helps students connect the dots between themselves and the person before them. It reminds me of the quote by American civil rights activist Marian Wright Edelman, "You can't be what you can't see." Role models are so important and I was thrilled to share Siena's light with my young charges.  

She read a wonderful chapter book designed especially for young readers, Baby Monkey, Private Eye by Brian Selznick and David Serlin. I selected this title because illustrator Brian Selznick (Wonderstruck, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, The Marvels) has ties to the Deaf community and knows and appreciates sign language. And author David Serlin works at The University of California, San Diego with Deaf author, researcher, and powerhouse, Carol Padden. This visit, in all its layers, was a celebration of ASL and Deaf pride.

Siena Rafter reads BABY MONKEY, PRIVATE EYE
alongside ASL interpreter Rachel Grudberg

Baby Monkey, Private Eye is an engaging series of mysteries wrapped around irresistibly cute illustrations. It is a cleverly written pattern book consisting of only about 52 words. Pattern books foster confidence and joy associated with reading, which makes children want to read them again and again. During the read aloud, Siena encouraged students to participate and join in on the oft-repeated phrases...

Baby Monkey looks for clues.

Baby Monkey writes notes.

Baby Monkey eats a snack.

Baby Monkey puts on his pants. 

Now Baby Monkey is ready! 

Baby Monkey solves the case! 

After the reading, each student also got to take home their own personalized hardcover copy of the book. In anticipation of this event,  I even had the added bonus of receiving a promotional poster for the book signed by Brian Selznick and David Serlin.  

Siena asks a student her name (in ASL)

Keep your eyes open for more from Siena in the years to come. And do yourself a favor, check out Baby Monkey, Private Eye for your beginning readers. 

Shards of Joy

My happiness was shattered on March 26, 2020. That was the day my Mom passed unexpectedly. The days since have been filled with sorrow, tears, and grieving. Memories of her swirl in my mind as I sleep, and when they do it causes me to wake up smiling. 

My happiness is buried somewhere in there, in the remembering. I'm broken, but not too broken to appreciate who she was, how she nurtured and supported me, and her unconditional love, which is, above all, the thing that will help mend me. 

Love.

I'm finding it is the things I love that comfort me and give me hope. In comfort, there is a way back to peace and a sense of wholeness. School has started, kinda. The craziness of my personal struggles, mixed with the craziness of our societal struggles dealing with a global pandemic, cannot take away the joy I feel when I see the picture above. A child reading Curious George! It seems simple, but there's so much power in the image. I am so grateful to her mom for sharing it with me. She knows. She knows I need the boost. And it helps.

I'm looking forward to starting another school year because, despite the craziness, I know that children, teaching, ASL, books, Curious George, smiles, laughter, and youthful energy will bring me back to me again. It's a happiness my Mom would want for me. That I know with great certainty to be true.