Tips From My Mom #5

Lately I have been thinking a lot about balance.

Balance and perspective.

And as with most things in life these recurring themes have come at me from varied, unusual and seemingly unconnected sources; Dolly Parton, my mom and two children’s books I recently read titled Zen Shorts and Zen Ties by Jon J. Muth.

I have been grappling with these ideas in relation to the notion of selfishness. What does it mean to be ‘selfish’? Can we say another person is being ‘selfish’ without understanding the motives behind an action? Is it sometimes right and proper to be ‘selfish’ when it is necessary to continue one’s sense of well being?

Here are some scenerios…

I have a friend who used to work out regularly and would sometimes say that he couldn’t do such and such because he had to work out. Sometimes this would interfere with my plans and I would think “how selfish”. I figured he should be available to do as I wanted because he could work out anytime. But you know my perspective on that has changed greatly as I have gotten older. Because really, who was being selfish in that situation?

I have come to understand that taking care of ourselves and attending to the needs of our bodies and spirits is not at all selfish. If our bodies or spirits are lacking in some way, for instance either due to illness or depression, how can we then be available to others?

I read an interview with Dolly Parton this morning in which she spoke about the fact that she is not always happy but that she tries to be happy most of the time. In the article it became clear to me that although she is pushed and pulled every which way, by all kinds of folks, it is her inner strength and truth that allows her to be there for others and carry on. Dolly taking care of Dolly is not selfish, it is necessary to keep the machine running.

It is interesting that I should even have to debate this whole issue because growing up my mom was never big on laying down guilt. She was always intuitive enough to realize that her children had their own lives to live but that we would also continue to come back to home base when needed.

My mom always allowed us to be who we are. No judgements, no guilt. And she trusted that we would (and could) follow our inner Jiminy Cricket down the right path.

She understood that we needed to explore, learn, make mistakes and tend to our desires and needs. Unlike some parents she let us do just that. And through our teen years, when many children act out against their parents, we remained solid and loving towards one another.

Conversely, I have seen what can happen when individuals are not allowed to be ‘selfish’. Those perfect persons who constantly ignore their own needs in order to fulfill everyone else’s wishes usually end up paying the price in some way. They can become physically or mentally ill because they can not keep up the pace.

There must be balance; a balance between taking care of others and taking care of ourselves, a balance between meeting our responsibilities and finding time for ourselves.

It was in reading Zen Shorts and Zen Ties that this all came together for me. In simple terms these books bring the message of inner peace and looking inward. These are messages that my mom has always allowed us to live, although they were not necessarily spoken of.

I am grateful that I can begin to understand what it means to be ‘selfish’ in the very best ways so I can be there for others. I am
grateful that I can begin to understand that those who accuse and judge others are not quite there yet so I can release my desire to slap them silly and have some compassion.

And I am grateful that I have the opportunity to experience all of this, that I can question, that I can grow and that I can still shake my head in wonder.

A Visit from Laura Ljungkvist

Our school librarian, Sara, was voted the best in New York City (or New York State or was it the world? I am not sure exactly but she is super).

Well, whatever the bestowment she is deserving of some positive attention and applause for providing us with a well run, well stocked library that continues to be the epicenter of our school community.

In addition to all of her day to day responsibilities she also makes it possible for guest authors/illustrators of exquisite children’s literature to visit us from time to time.

Recently she arranged a reading and book signing from Swedish-born artist Laura Ljungkvist. Laura’s books are unique in that she creates illustrations from a single continuous line that runs through all of the pages of each book. Many of her books include the words “Follow the Line” in the title and encourage children to do just that.

I was especially excited to meet her because I have been a fan of her book Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs since I first encountered it a few years ago. It is visually stunning. Vibrant clean colors, precise text and of course her signature ‘line’ all come together in a virtual feast of delight.

The evil queen is simply fabulous!




I shared my joy with Laura over Snow White but she confided with me – and now I share that with you, I hope she does not mind – that this book was a compromise with her publisher.

She prefers her other books which are original ideas rather than a reworking of a well known fairy tale. This book came about after 9/11 and in her author’s notes she writes “The completion of this book marks the beginning of a road lined with challenges and miracles”.

Don’t tell her but this one is still my favorite.

After Laura’s readings (she had two sessions with our preschool and lower elementary classes) she stayed to have lunch with our aspiring artists. I was very much impressed with the fact that she didn’t seem to want to get out of there.

She was relaxed and ‘present’ with the students. She answered all of their questions and really listened to what they had to share. It is visits like this that the children will remember.

Afterwards she was kind enough to pose for a picture with me. Because of Sara I am getting quite an notable album of photos and autographed works. I love it.

Finally Laura shared a copy of her upcoming book Follow the Line Around the World which I believe she said comes out in May.

A Celebration

As I approach my 100th post (this is my 96th) I thought I would take a moment to reflect on the impetus for undertaking this little endeavor in the first place, which was to celebrate and share my journey as a teacher. And I am not alone in feeling a great joy and pride in what I honestly equate to as a ‘calling’. There are countless teachers across this country and the world who could not imagine spending their time doing anything else. Exhausted, disrespected teachers still manage to muddle through all of the political muck to find an overwhelming sense of fulfillment in helping others learn.

On Thursday, January 31, 2008 I was fortunate to celebrate with a group of dedicated professionals as they completed the rigorous 18 credit Hello Friend/Ennis William Cosby Certificate Program at the Lincoln Center Campus of Fordham University in New York City. You can learn more about the Hello Friend/Ennis William Cosby Foundation here.

The 28 men and women celebrating that night represented the 7th Cohort of teachers receiving scholarships to teach “Young Readers at Risk”. These are children with learning differences such as dyslexia who often fall through the cracks of the educational system. In training educators to look for and understand a child with a learning difference those teachers can in turn make a ‘difference’ in the life of a child.

This notion becomes even more touching and real when it is given a personal touch. When we read the struggles of Ennis himself, when educators share how they had previously missed an opportunity to reach a child because they did not have the necessary knowledge but have now gained it as a result of the scholarship and when we are told of the thousands of lives that have been touched as a result of this program.

Graduation ceremonies seem to breed these sorts of inspirational speeches.

And then there are the other speeches. On January 31st the ‘other’ speech was delivered by me and my friend and colleague Cayne. We are both former Cosby Scholars ourselves (I love that title), Cayne was in Cohort 1 and I was in Cohort 3. Cayne and I teach the practicum course which prepares and oversees the twice weekly tutoring sessions. We decided to present a speech that evening that was both humorous and touching with a little witty banter bouncing back and forth between us. And with the aid of Cayne’s lovely wife Vanessa, who sat through our rehearsal and provided valuable feedback (thanks Vanessa!), I think we pulled it off.

Here is the opening, written and delivered by Cayne…

I think I speak for Gary and I when I say that we would like to begin with an apology for the following speech. You see due to the current writer's strike Gary and I were forced write and prepare our own material this year.

My bits were all smiles and energy while his were informative and clever. But our main message was to send a great, big BRAVO to the graduates.

And the good news is that there will be a Cohort 9!

If you are a NYC public school teacher interested in teaching struggling readers please come to one of the open houses. You can click on the advertisement on the left to see the information more clearly.

How Do You Stay Healthy?

Our Parent Teacher Association (PTA) in conjunction with the teachers in our dual language preschool program have joined together in an effort to raise money for some of our teachers to travel to Italy to see the Reggio Emilia schools there.

One fundraising idea involves creating cards using children's artwork. Sets of cards will be sold at our school dance this coming Friday. The cards that have been created thus far are so beautiful. Each class has been encouraged to submit drawings to be scanned and folded into 3.5" x 5" cards. For whatever reason I had not taken the time to speak with our students about this and had not collected any of their fantastic artwork.

But, this past Friday our physical education teacher, Dan, asked them to draw or write about different ways they can stay healthy. Not only has he been making sure that their bodies get the exercise they need, but he has also been teaching them healthy habits. When he brought us their artwork I immediately thought they would make an amazing packet of cards with a 'Stay Healthy' theme.

Here are the things they came up with...

Jogging -


Biking -


Doing Jumping Jacks -


Lots of Weight Lifting -




And if you lift, you too can have an arm like this -


Eating healthy foods (this guy is eating an apple) -


And my FAVORITE: Jumping on a snake! -



So, if you are interested in a set of these 'Stay Healthy' cards please let me know and I will see what I can do.

The Garden of Love

Inspired by Reya I have joined the blogging community for Blog Poetry Slam. This poem by the poet and artist William Blake was published in 1794 in his masterpience Songs of Experience. It was brought to my attention by a former love. I should have known something was up.

The GARDEN of LOVE


I went to the Garden of Love.

And saw what I never had seen:

A Chapel wsa built in the midst,

Where I used to play on the green.



And the gates of this Chapel were shut,

And Thou shalt not, writ over the door;

So I turn'd to the Garden of Love,

That so many sweet flowers bore,



And I saw it was filled with graves,

And tomb-stones where flowers should be:

And Priests in black gowns, were walking their rounds,

And binding with briars, my joys & desires.